Sunday, March 3, 2019

A funny excerpt from WINE SISTERS FOREVER!

I recently published book #5 in my Wine and Sweat Pants Series and titled it WINE SISTERS FOREVER. So many fun things happened in this book as I wrote Elaina, Tawny, Steph, and Grace's newest adventures. I laughed a lot, so I thought I'd share one particular scene that had me cracking up. I hope it has the same effect on you. (For those who haven't read the earlier books, in book #3 the girls moved to Maine, and opened The Four Sassy Chicks Bed and Breakfast) 

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This scene is from Chapter Four in Wine Sisters Forever:

Elaina huddled Tawny, Steph, and Grace together, and spoke as quietly as possible. Their guests Gordie and Ruth couldn't see three feet in front of them; nothing said they didn't have the exceptional hearing of bats. "I kid you not. They're eighty-four, have no credit cards or any form of ID, including no driver's licenses. They drove here from Bangor on I-95."

A series of repetitive thuds coming from Gordie and Ruth's room put them on high alert.

Grace's light blue eyes darkened with concern. "I hope they're not trying to signal us for help. Maybe we should have call-buttons installed in each room."

Tawny mocked with a head tilt. "We're not having call-buttons installed and I doubt they're trying to signal us. They're probably propped up against the headboard watching TV and every time they shift around the wood hits the wall."

"It's a heavy four-post bed. The headboard shouldn't hit the wall when they move to get comfortable."

Steph tiptoed to their door and cupped her ear against the wood. She shook her head and crept back to the kitchen. "Their TV isn't on and I swear I heard moaning."

Elaina was getting more concerned by the second. "What do we do?"

"We wait," Tawny stated matter-of-factly.

"For the stench of decomposing bodies?"

Tawny rolled her eyes at Steph. "Get real."

"Steph might be on to something. How do I word this delicately?"

"To heck with being delicate, just say it," Tawny urged.

Elaina shared the sad reality. "Time isn't something that Gordie and Ruth have on their side."

"Did they come here to...?" Grace splayed a hand across her face. "Ugh. I can't even."

"I'm sure their plan wasn't to check in and extinguish their...lights. It could be a matter of all that living fast and loose catching up with them."

Tawny's brows twitched with confusion. "Say again?"

"You heard me."

"Geez. Leave you in charge for a week and you interrogate our customers about their past. Are you that bored?" Tawny's mouth split into an ornery grin.

Elaina gave her a playful shove. “They volunteered the information.”

“Sure they did.”

“The three of you can stand there and wait for whatever might or might not be happening. I’m going upstairs to shower.” Grace pulled at the t-shirt with splotches of beige paint on the front. “Philip got his way as you can see. I wanted to paint the parlor a deep blue, but noooo, he bought beige.”

“Is he still being a grouch?”

“Nope. He’s had a magical transformation.” Grace started to leave.

“Graaaace, hold up.” Steph grabbed the back of Grace’s shirt. “You can’t dangle a carrot and walk away.”

“Unhand me.” Grace wrinkled her nose with amusement. “I told him to straighten up or I would check into those dating sites you ladies love.”

Elaina bunched her face into a teasing frown. "You’re a mean little woman.”

“Philip said the same thing.” Grace made it as far as the first step on the staircase.

Gordie and Ruth’s door flung open. Gordie stood in the doorway shirtless. Tufts of gray hair went every which way.

“Gordie, these are the other sassy chicks.” She introduced Grace as the business manager, Steph as their kitchen goddess, and Tawny as the resident nurse.

“I don’t need a nurse, Eloise. I need water. All that ‘action’ has made me thirsty.” He clicked his tongue.

“Eloise?”

“Long story, Tawn’,” Elaina whispered out of the side of her mouth and hoped Tawny and the others wouldn’t make a huge deal out of his reference to ‘action’. “There’s a small refrigerator near the desk, Gordie.” The amenities were explained when she’d shown them the room. It now appeared that they were more excited to get ‘busy’ rather than to actually listen. Instinct made her feet move, but Gordie stopped her by jutting out a spindly arm.

“You might not want to come closer. Ruth’s too hot to put clothes on or to cover with a blanket. Give her a few minutes.”

“Right.” Elaina heard Tawny’s restrained tee-hee’ing behind her. To keep her own laughter from spilling out, she bit the inside of her cheek and diverted her gaze to Grace, who noiselessly mouthed the word, “Unbelievable.”

“On second thought, do you have any energy drinks? The pill’s doing what it’s supposed to, but I’m drained.”

Steph had yet to put two and two together. “Has your sugar level dropped?”

Elaina glanced at Steph. “His sugar’s fine.”

“Then what?”

Tawny blurted, “Do we really need to spell it out?”

Steph got huffy right away. “No!” Awareness hit her a milli-second later. “Ohhhh.”

The nurse in Tawny took over. “I don’t want to boss you around, but it isn’t wise to combine an energy drink with that particular pill, or any pill for that matter.”

“That’s what Ruth says.”

Elaina could no longer contain her laughter. She giggled until she snorted. “Gordie, you and Ruth are a hoot. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone quite like you.”

“Did you hear that, Ruth? Eloise thinks we’re a hoot.”

Ruth’s reprimand was wobbly and low. “Gordie, get it together. Her name is Elaina, not Eloise.”

Gordie’s whiskery face fell. “Sorry, Elaina.”

“No worries. Really.” She didn’t want to him to dwell on the mistake, so she changed the subject. “I noticed that you and Ruth skipped dinner.”

“We don’t know our way around Portland. We thought we’d wait until morning and eat a big breakfast.”

Breakfast wasn’t for another twelve hours. There’s no way Elaina could make them wait that long. They had likely expended their calorie reserves by knocking the headboard against the wall. “Are you interested in leftover meatloaf, cheesy potatoes, and applesauce?”

“Dear girl, you’re a godsend.”

“She’s more motherly than godsend-ish,” Tawny teased.

I’m more of a sap than godsend-ish, but hey, I am what I am.

** If you'd like to check out the adventures (or misadventures) of these four mischievous women, you can find them on AMAZON -- <---just click the link. 

Thank you so much for taking the time to pop in and read this scene! 

(Cover art by Deborah with Tugboat Design) 

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